Kids & Gender Pronouns
5 reasons why acquiescing isn't always the right strategy
The ACLU recently shared an opinion that wasn’t exactly supportive of free speech rights. In fact, it was quite the opposite—which seems odd for an organization created to defend civil liberties.
In their amicus brief, the ACLU stated:
“We know that discriminatory practices, such as the refusal to use a student's gender-affirming pronouns, can exacerbate gender dysphoria and harm socio-emotional development during critical childhood years. Policy 8040 ensures that trans and non-binary students can focus on their education without the added stigmatization, stress and anxiety of being misgendered by their teachers.”
For more information about the background of this story, read about it here.
The claim is that requiring teachers to use gender-affirming pronouns for children is overall, a good thing.
Here are five reasons why this is not always—or even often—the case, and why we should think critically and carefully about how adults guide children during their formative years.
Children aren’t social experiments.
The idea of medically—or even verbally—”transing” a child is not something to take lightly. Kids are in a constant state of flux as they learn and discover new ideas. Historically, a majority of kids (seven in 10) will grow out of their gender dysphoria. These kids often grow up to be gay or lesbian. For many females, rapid onset gender dysphoria is paired with other severe mental health problems. While it’s perfectly normal to experiment and try new things in childhood and adolescence, gender transition is serious and has permanent medical consequences—puberty blockers can cause loss of fertility and loss of sexual pleasure.
Affirmations from an authority figure can encourage a child toward a decision they may experience lifelong regret over. This isn’t about “respecting the dignity of a child.” It’s about respecting the gravity of what gender transition entails, including the fact that transgender medical care for children is still largely experimental.
Adults should lead with wisdom.
Remember when adults used to say “you can’t get a tattoo until you’re 18 because they’re permanent and you may change your mind”?
There’s a reason why adults are teachers and kids are students. It is our responsibility as adults—whether school teachers or parents—to teach children the realities of our world and not hinder their understanding of basic truths. We can encourage children to explore their interests and curiosities without lying to them or guiding them down a path that could lead to serious psychological and medical harm. Kids need to have the freedom to change their minds. Preferred pronoun adherence can unwittingly box a child into an identity they may not be prepared to wholly commit to. A child’s momentary discomfort with their biological pronouns is preferable to prolonged misery from a decision they didn’t fully consider or understand.
Our intellectual dignity matters.
Requiring anyone to deny reality in order to make someone else comfortable is wrong. Our intellectual dignity matters. Not only that, but how far do these kinds of demands go? In what other ways will we be asked to deny reality for the good of someone else or to satisfy someone in power? We see it in healthcare already—healthcare “professionals” denying or undermining the realities of natural immunity from previous Covid infection to push vaccines on people who don’t need them. Of course none of this is about what’s true. It’s about who has power and control. It is amoral to demand anyone affirm what they know to be a lie—especially under threat of job termination and especially when it could cause real harm to a child.
Compelled speech is wrong.
The “compelled speech policy” is a violation of our constitutional freedom of speech. Hiding behind what amounts to an irrational and shortsighted policy avoids a serious conversation about the importance of free speech and the dangers of compelled speech. The policy itself is absurd and antithetical to the very idea of intellectual freedom. How can teachers even begin teaching on the topic of compelled vs. free speech when they themselves are being forced to speak what they know to be a lie?
Social discomfort is not unique to gender dysphoric people.
The world does not change to fit our individual needs. Rather, we as individuals learn how to cope with our struggles so that we can function in a world that doesn’t always align with our ideas, beliefs, or desires. Feeling discomfort is a normal part of the human experience and is not unique to individuals with gender dysphoria. Rather than jumping headfirst into affirming a gender transformation that has serious and permanent consequences, we can teach kids coping mechanisms and provide them with the tools they need to be healthy and happy in a world that will not always feel comfortable or accepting. This is how we equip other children who struggle with social anxieties, because it’s the kind, responsible, wise, and adult thing to do.
Disclaimer: This article is in no way denying the reality of gender dysphoria and its associated struggles. It is merely making a case that requiring teachers to use a student’s preferred pronouns in every circumstance isn’t always in the best interest of the child, nor is it a morally superior position. Gender transition is an incredibly serious decision, and adults owe it to children to guide them with this truth.
Love isn't wish fulfillment, forcing people to violate their conscience is something to be avoided, and we have got to both appreciate children and resist being led by immaturity.
Thanks for writing this!
I think that adults do a disservice to children when they cave to the fickle, ephemeral whims of children, and being more respectful to children by exhibiting prudence and maturity in the matter.